pig’s diva bitch list

hello, my name is pig. this is my diva bitch list.

1. people who park in front of garages – why do people do this? don’t you know that someone might be pulling in or out of that spot in the near future? do you really think that your coffee is that important to avoid paying a parking meter? all i’m saying is don’t be surprised when your seat is covered with my used cat litter

2. athletes crying -why was this a topic this week? dude! everybody cries all the time. i cry every time i hear glenn beck speak or when luis and rachel don’t feed me at 4 am. cristiano ronaldo crys every time he dives but that is acting, it’s his craft. i do not care about your crying.

3. international women’s day/mardi gras – who the hell decided to make these two days coincide? seriously? nothing can be more ironic than to have a pride day for women fall on the same day that they have to show off their boobs for beads.

4. belle not backing me up on 4 am feedings – every night i do all the work to wake up luis and rachel so that they can feed us, but i’m always the one who has to rustle the plastic bags, start playing jenga on the table, knock on the closet door. and what do you do? nothing!! you pretend to be sleeping the whole time and then reap the rewards once they cave to my demands. you suck mom.

5. old lady’s driving skills – luis told me this old lady, at least 150 yrs old, drove the wrong way on a one way today & he just swerved out of the way. im furious!!! she almost took out the guy who is in charge of my 2 am, 3 am, and 4 am feedings!

6. gaddafi’s stylist – honestly, who is doing your hair bro??? you are obviously not doing your GTL like you should be. you need to get rid of that lionel richie perm and get yourself that paulie d look.

7. hipster glasses – oh hey nice glasses, did you get them at lenscrafters? oh no? they’re not prescription? oh i see, so you are just posing as a nerd cuz you think you’re tight! well you aint biatch!

8. politicians – all you guys is hypocrites! stop wasting my diva time with your flip flops and fake moral standards! be real son!

9. the social network – ugh! finally watch this flick and it was NOT best picture worthy! neither was the score! INCEPTION SHOULD HAVE ONE EVERYTHING!!!

10. winning recipes – i’m over it!!! charlie sheen is not winning in my book anymore. from now on, im following emilio estevez on twitter. nobody fucks with gordon bombay! NOBODY!!!

i am pig and this has been my bitch list. get out of my face bitch!

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